Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Signs You Might Be A Fundamentalist

A friend of mine told me about this recent thread over at Sharper Iron. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at some of them. This was what I grew up with and some of these (very funny, but often true) examples are why I am no longer a fundamentalist. Most of these I have pulled from the thread, though I will add a few of my own. Enjoy!

* If you've ever watched Sheffy on New Year's Eve.
* If you can tell a person's spiritual condition by a passing glance at their CD rack.
* If you actually believe NIV stands for Non-Inspired Version.
* If none of the preachers you know called "Dr." have earned degrees.
* If you've ever worn culottes, over snow pants, while skiing.
* If you've roller skated to Majesty Music.
* If you've heard more rock music played backward than forward.
* If you ever dressed up as a Bible character in late October for "Harvest Festival."
* If you know what a "six inch rule" is.
* If you were taught that the better option than the "six inch rule" was to place your KJV between you and your date.
* If you've had to get on your knees to have your skirt length measured, and you ever carried safety pins in your purse to pin necklines and skirt slits.
* If you are scientifically certain that the hottest flame is black.
* If you've ever raised your hand to indicate you're not saved because you were distracted during the invitation.
* If you believe NaCl (or any simple chemical formula) will leap into flames when in contact with water on the face of a man who played with it at a party.
* If you know for a fact that rock music kills house plants.
* If you have thrown a stick in either a fireplace or bonfire on a Friday night.
* If you've heard it preached that the letters in "Santa" can easily be rearranged to spell "Satan."
* If you have a Hollywood Video or Blockbuster card in your wallet but think "not supporting Hollywood" is a good reason not to go to the theater.
* If you've ever worn guys shorts (as a girl) so that they'd be long enough to "check."
* If you regularly tell co-workers that you went to a "small, private college," instead of an Independent Fundamental Baptist Bible College in a town they've never heard of.
* If you have your doubts about any preacher with facial hair.
* If you understand that the term "mixed bathing" has nothing to do with personal hygiene.
* If you have ever held hands with a girl (or guy) during the prayer at a youth rally because you knew it was the only time the pastor wouldn't be looking.
* If Sissy Seagull was your first crush. (for guys)
* If you know who Ace, Baba, Christy, and Pudge are.
* If you can't have a church picnic with the other independent fundamental churches in the area because their standards aren't the same as the church that you attend.
* If you ever changed the last part of the chorus of "Now I Belong to Jesus" to "not for the years of Tom Malone."
* If you felt "dirty" when the pastor didn't give an invitation after his Sunday night message.
* If the front of your Bible has your hand-written note of the exact date and time you were saved....from all 7 years you went to camp.
* If you checked your parents' bedroom to make sure they were still there for at least a week after your church hosted the multi-night series of A Thief In The Night movies... er, films.
* If you are offended by any of the content above.

Feel free to add your own.

1 comment:

MadMup said...

I didn't keep track of the exact number, but the vast majority of those applied.

Hilarious and sad at the same time.